May 12, 2025, 1:18 pm | Read time: 5 minutes
The child wants ice cream, the dad wants peace and quiet on the beach, and the mom wants to stroll around. It’s a cliché, admittedly—but it’s not easy to accommodate everyone’s vacation wishes. Or is it? These tips can help.
It could be so nice: The kids play on the beach, you read a book and occasionally glance at the sun. And the next day, a joint trip to the picturesque old town: Everyone gets ice cream, and then it’s relaxed… Okay, stop. Of course, a family vacation can look like this. But reality often brings whining, stress, and tension—especially if Grandma and Grandpa are coming along. However, a pessimistic view won’t get you far. And actually, it’s not that hard to have a family vacation without arguments and with lots of ice cream and fun.
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1. Involve Children in Vacation Planning
Where are we going? This question starts with every planning session—and with the answer, you set the first steps toward a more relaxed family vacation. Ideally, not just in parental solitude: Children’s wishes and needs should be included, advises parenting consultant and author Maren Tromm. “The older the children, the more say they should have,” she says. “This is definitely good for the family system and vacation peace.”
Starting from elementary school age, children should be asked and listened to, recommends the Swiss expert. “This way, they also learn that their opinion is taken seriously and matters—which is also an educational goal.”
If the kids then say they want to spend three weeks at an amusement park, parents obviously won’t be able to fulfill that. But they might consider spending a day or two at an amusement park as part of the trip.
2. Consider Everyone’s Needs
“It’s important to take the wishes and feelings of children and teenagers seriously and, if possible, consider them,” says Katrin Kursch. She works at the Youth Psychological Institute in the Essen district of Steele—a counseling center for children, teenagers, and parents.
On-site, one option could be to alternate deciding on activities, says Kursch. Frustrating moments will likely still occur, such as when Dad announces a hiking day. Often, however, it’s possible to spark curiosity and make offers. For example, with the prospect of an animal enclosure or an adventure playground along the hiking trail. And for older kids, parents might allow them to listen to a podcast during the tour.
3. Allow Separate Activities
This is another way to prevent conflicts from arising in the first place. Of course, most people wish for lots of family time together on vacation. But it’s okay to step away from that ideal sometimes.
“Planning free time is super important,” says Maren Tromm. Especially parents often have the desire to spend time alone during vacation—and not always in their roles as partners and parents. “Many just want some me-time,” says the expert. So why not have one parent take the kids to the beach while the other relaxes at the hotel or goes for a stroll?
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And kids sometimes want to retreat—especially teenagers. Katrin Kursch, therefore, recommends showing understanding for age-appropriate wishes. For example, allowing the child to dive into their smartphone: but in an agreed-upon manner.
4. Use Childcare if the Child Feels Comfortable
Daycare for the little ones, kids club for the older ones: Hotels and vacation parks sometimes offer full-day childcare. Ideally, parents gain rare personal couple time while the kids have fun, make new friends, and gain new experiences. But: This should happen without coercion.
“Forcing a child in an unfamiliar environment to be in unfamiliar hands—possibly with language barriers—is something I clearly advise against,” says Maren Tromm. Her advice: As a family, you should clarify early on: How much time together do we want on vacation? Who wants time alone and when? And how do we create “islands”—even as a couple?
5. Clear Role Distribution in Multigenerational Vacations
If Grandma and Grandpa join the vacation, it can be an exciting but not always relaxing setup. In this setting, it’s advisable to establish responsibilities: Whoever takes on a task leads—and primarily sets the rules, says Tromm. “For example: If Grandma is in charge of meals, she decides.” Or if the child insists on ice cream and the mother says no, Grandma shouldn’t suddenly intervene and buy it. Otherwise, conflict is inevitable.
Who has authority when, and who defers when? That’s the core question behind it all. Tromm recommends discussing this calmly. Ideally before the vacation.
6. Agree on a Family Code for Stressful Moments
Stressful moments are part of family life. To prevent them from escalating, a pre-agreed code word can help. When this word is spoken, it serves as a signal to pause and consciously perceive the situation. “Often, we don’t all notice equally quickly that a conversation is escalating or that a remark or look has hurt someone,” explains Tromm.
A code word that triggers positive feelings is particularly effective. A word like “strawberry cake” can bring joy and lightness to the situation. For those who prefer it shorter, a playful sound word like “moop” or “troop” can be chosen.
It’s important that all family members know and accept the word, says Tromm. This makes it a shared tool to resolve tensions before they escalate.
7. Establish “Do Nothing” Zones
It’s incredibly calming to know: There’s a place where everyone can retreat. Especially on a family vacation, where you’re usually together in close quarters 24 hours a day, such “do nothing” zones are invaluable. These can be set times or specific places.
A hammock at the vacation home, for example, as Tromm suggests: “And everyone knows: When Mom is in there, she has me-time and Dad is in charge.”
With material from dpa